Archive for September, 2016

One Last Time

Posted: September 29, 2016 in Poetry
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msk-sun-and-clouds-1“One Last Time”              (C)  MSK  9-22-2016

There are no ways to describe

How much I would give

 

To see the stars one last time.

To hear your voice again.

And feel the warmth of the sun.

To hold you in my arms.

 

There are no limits to how long

I would wait

 

If I knew I would hear your voice.

To watch you as you laugh.

Or share the sadness of your tears.

And love you as you grow old.

 

But there is no chance.

No last minute plan.

The end of this dance

Is already at hand.

 

I wish to see the stars one last time.

To tell you that you are mine.

I’d love to help in times to come

Give you courage when you have none.

 

But there is no chance.

No last minute plan.

The end of this dance

Is already at hand.                                                                                                                                                  ————————————————————–

20160919_205425As a pre-teen and through much of my early adult life, I would experience asthma attacks.  Some were very severe and lasted for days.  I underwent allergy testing and countless blood samples to find out what was causing my allergic reactions.  It turned out almost everything did, but that is not the subject of this story.  I was quite used to needles and shots and was not bothered by the poking and prodding.  As it turned out, I just needed to grow out of it.

Years later, my partner was pregnant with my daughter Teneca.  She was in for testing and they were trying to take a blood sample.  It didn’t go well and after a few unsuccessful tries, I needed to leave the room and stop watching the process.  As I left the room I was feeling woozy – to say the least. As I was walking down the hospital corridor, I thought it would be a good idea to sit on the bench in the hallway.  That is what I told myself anyway!  There was no bench or seat and I gradually passed out and hit the floor rather softy. Waking up I realized what I had done and got up to go back in the office.  This was the beginning of a long running reaction to needles and shots.  I am not sure if I actually fainted from it again, but even at the dentist I would come close to passing out. I could not watch someone getting a shot on TV or movies and had to close my eyes during those scenes.  Eventually even the thought of needles or injections would trigger this type of reaction. It was not the pain or fear of needles, it was the thought!

A little over a week ago my grandson Daniel Hopkins (as per my recent family article, he unfortunately does not carry the Kennedy name…..) was rushed to the hospital.  He was unresponsive and his skin was dull grey.  He was in ICU for a few days with dangerously high blood sugar levels and was lucky not to have gone into a diabetic coma.  That is how he found out he had Type 1 diabetes. Teneca asked me to stay with them for a while and help out.  I knew this meant more than just housekeeping and I admit I was a bit concerned and not really sure if I could even be around, let alone help with testing and injections needed for his new life style.  The last thing they needed was to have to pick me up off the floor!

My grandson was great from the start.  He realized he was in serious condition and took the disease head-on.  Learning quickly what had to be done he dug right in.  Before they got home from the hospital he was counting carbs, measuring insulin needed and testing his blood sugar levels. Now it was up to me!  Just talking about the injection regiment with them the first night I got light headed.

Luckily I had a couple days to read about Type 1 diabetics and watch them take care of Daniel before I was to give him an injection.  I am pleased to tell you that there was no issue.  I gave him the injection and not only did he not get injured by me, I did fine.  I did not pass out, get light headed or even a little woozy.  It took my grandson’s health and needs to put things back in focus but I think I can get over the needle reaction I have lived with for years now.  Full circle. Live, learn and helping each other as we go.  Life is good.

   

 

Actually, I am not sure how this one started off.  I think I first had an idea for a chord progression.  Sometimes I doodle on the guitar or keyboards and pick out chords that I like – or more importantly – chord progressions or combinations that fit together.  Anyway, I ended up with a very basic set of four chords.  I played them with a simple rhythmical structure and started to get hypnotized by the repetitious waves it produced.  The words from this poem seemed to fit easily in place.  Drifting thoughts while looking out my home office window.  A number of themes recycled in those thoughts.  Haunting.  Not yet solid or concrete.  Like looking through fog but knowing something solid is right in front of you.  Often I look back to my computer, which when idle, displays pictures I have taken of travels, friends and events.  Above are pictures of a trip to Acadia National Park that got mixed up in the meandering day dream.  I could begin my dream there, never wake up, and be perfectly happy.

That feeling inspired words that look at the relationship of the real and unreal ingredients in relationships. Opposing ideas that express the same thought.  Scared and laughing, coming to say do not leave.  Drinking but quite sober.  The lyrics allowed me to use the chord progression and sparse rhythm structure to create an eerie musical  landscape.  In some ways creating the exact opposite of the romantic feeling of the verses.

I will have the music mixed and a final version ready in the not too distant future and will post so you can understand the references, or maybe come to your own!  Here is “Felt This Way B4”.

Felt This Way B4”                                               MSK © 1-11-2005

It started off as 

Just another Day Dream 

Looking back on life. 

  

Felt this way before 

The other million times 

I’ve looked into your face. 

  

It started off as 

Just another song 

I couldn’t put in to words. 

 

I came to tell you 

Don’t go away 

I promise I’ll never leave. 

 

Take this as a gift 

From one who couldn’t live 

Without, yet lives In you. 

 

I will struggle 

But I will earn your trust 

And that will set us free. 

  

I stopped drinking but I still get drunk 

I’d be REAL happy if I’d get out of this funk. 

I never drive when I’m behind the wheel 

Many sensations I can no longer feel. 

  

It started off as 

Just another Day Dream 

Looking back on life. 

 

Felt this way before 

Scared half to death 

And I’m laughing like a clown. 

 

It started off as 

Just another song 

I couldn’t put in to words. 

  

Too much time and nowhere to go 

Then a lot of work for just a little bit of dough.

I’m a pacifist that just loves a good fight 

And  I say “Good Morning!” in the middle of the night.  

 

I stopped drinking but I still get drunk 

 And I’d be REAL happy if I’d get out of this funk. 

I never drive when I’m behind the wheel 

Many sensations I can no longer feel. 

 

It started off as

Just another Day Dream

Looking back on life.

 

Felt this way before

The other million times

I’ve looked into your face.

 

It started off as

Just another song

I couldn’t put in to words.

 

Too much time and nowhere to go

Then a lot of work for just a little bit of dough

I’m a pacifist that just loves a good fight

And  I say “Good Morning!” in the middle of the night.

 

 

In most situations when you want to record a performance, you might not have a lot of time to set up.  The environment might not be perfect, and there are other needs than getting a great recording.   I have tried and been quite successful with a number of techniques.  I will offer a few here for your consideration.

Getting a good mix from the sound board Mono Out or Main Left and Right Outs in a small or medium size venue is very easy to set up, but most likely to be disappointing. The needs of the audience in a live situation can be the exact opposite from the recording engineer’s.  As mentioned in the beginning of this series, LSR is reinforcement.  The sound person will amplify the weaker signals in the House or Mains; vocals – along with a LOT of effects, acoustic guitars, flutes, and even the drums.  They might not need to reinforce the lead or bass guitar as much. So the board mix is heavier on vocals, effects, and keyboard in some cases.  Not a great listen for most people.                                                                                                                                       You can set up a sub-mix if the sound guru gives you access.  If they run Left (Mono) like most venues, you can create your own mix using the Right Mono out.  Using the pan for each channel, keep full signal going to the Left out, and pan toward Center position to send desired amount of signal to the Right out.  You might want to isolate the guitar or bass, add a little toms if they are mike’d, but not heavy in the mix.  You can mix the two outs if you record in stereo and get a great live sound.  This will not give you a perfect stereo field, but most audiences do not remember concerts in stereo.  The sound seems to come from the stage, not left and right cabinets in front of the stage. 

I have also had luck with those portable stereo digital recorders available now for what I think is really cheap for what they do.  You need to set them up correctly and take care of them but they are so easy to set up and you get great sound in various environments.  If you have a SAFE place where you will hear more of the band than the audience (sounds easier than it really is) this is worth a try.

For many, the family line is important if not critical throughout the world.  In countries far older than the U.S.A., blood lines have been kept in-tact through many centuries.

My generation saw the termination of our family branch.  There are plenty of Kennedy’s around, but my immediate line will end with our children.  Plenty of female daughters – that will take other names – and the few males did not produce male children.  My late mother – not a Kennedy until marriage – was concerned and saddened by this. Generations can pass along wealth, wisdom, culture and moral values to descendants to give them a head start in life and to encourage prosperity and family success.  I mixed that line of thought with some other ideas floating in my head to complete the following piece.

Broken Forever”                  © MSK 8-29-2016

No sense regretting things that I’ve done

The mother of my daughter is not the mother of my son.

The child I am raising is not from either one.

Can’t stand still and life can’t be out run

 

The reasons at the time seem to get lost

Like answers to questions and their hidden cost.

Logic and compromise quickly get tossed

Lines and barriers that should never be crossed.

 

Painful reminders surface time and again

Impossible to know where or when.

Still haven’t learned what I didn’t know then

Stop saying how things should have been.

 

The family line has come to an end

Broken forever because it could not bend

Long ago I gave up trying to pretend.

Like piles of letters I will never send.

 

Didn’t see it coming and then one day

On my doorstep and forever to stay.

Denial and tears won’t make it go away

Failing no matter how often I play.

 

A solid base of the family trees

Branches are strong and covered with leaves.

The name is gone but as everyone sees

The fruit they bear have precious seeds.